Does Cindy's Coven Covet Satanic Semen???

Most of you in the SouthWest have undoubtedly long heard the stories about the Sedona Semenancy cult and its relentless thirst for the precious bodily fluids of naive and libidinous young adults. Most of you realize that when the semenancers hold their twisted rituals of perverse divination the very halls of power are still and empty as our depraved "leaders"wage spiritual terrorism through expressions of ejaculatatious evil and symbolic spermatrepanic sigilism. Most of you are well aware that the most powerful people in the United States of America UnderGod gather before the glowing rocks and open interdimensional gateways to Hades through unholy rites involving the abundant spunk of Lucifer defiant and the ever-flowing joyjuice of the One Kali Yoni.

Now that candidates from our beautiful but doomed desert land play their preordained parts in this devilish political working, will it emerge that even our would be First Lady of Seed seeks to bathe her face in the discharge of the Beast himself?

Seven Signs of Semenancy!

Everyone who saw the Reverend's live international broadcast last night was moved by his plea to the world to reject semenancy and all it represents. "How" he asked, "can we as a nation sanction open display of the Seven Signs of Semenancy? How can we allow those who would destroy all that the Lord holds dear to openly conduct their conspiracy through an occult pop culture shorthand? When will our lawmakers ensure that sementic witchery is no longer permitted to masquerade as 'free speech'?"

Semen Dripping From Liberty's Once Proud Face

We are certain everyone who saw the special report last night was as horrified as we were to learn that the US Postal Service nearly printed a new stamp celebrating "religious tolerance" which would have included the symbol of the most prominent school of semenancy alongside the symbols of both Christianity and the most widespread cults. Thankfully our favorite senator was able to intervene in time and the stamp was redesigned - but at this rate how long will it be before this country officially declares the semenancer holy week a national holiday? When will Christ come to drive those who have sold their souls from the halls of power???